I flew to Los Angeles last night and went on the Hollywood Club Crawl with my friend O, who showed up at the airport with a pitcher of Tanqueray diluted with lemonade, orange juice, and Red Bull. It’s our tradition to pre-party in the car with a 1.5-liter bottle (which we refer to as the Bottle of Death) whenever I visit Los Angeles, so I was impressed when I discovered that he had upgraded from 1.5-liter bottle to 2-liter pitcher with ice. On top of it, he arrived at the airport early so I didn’t have to wait to be picked up. I’m satisfied when people meet my expectations, but I’m very happy when people exceed them.
The Pitcher of Death:
We stopped at four clubs: Beauty Bar, Ecco, Kress, and Highlands. Beauty Bar was low-key and smaller than the other three, Ecco played trance (which O and I love), and Kress and Highlands played hip hop/top 100. A girl at Highlands sold us apple-flavored shots in test tubes, and a security guard at Kress wouldn’t let O dance on stage because he wasn’t a girl. I honestly can’t remember much else about the venues; with the Pitcher of Death and the subsequent drinks, my memory acquired gaps very quickly.
test tube shots:
Like many drinking stories, this one includes a peeing incident. O and I were drunk and standing in line for Highlands. We both had to urinate urgently and decided that we really could not wait five minutes until we got into the club, so we found an alcove by an elevator on a different floor. I went first and in my haste dribbled a little on my DKNY underwear. Since carrying around partially wet panties for the rest of the evening seemed unappealing, I took them off and left them in the corner. O went after me. Just as he began to unleash, we heard the ding of the elevator. Like a good friend, I ran away and pretended not to know O. He found me a minute later chatting nonchalantly to a group of fellow clubbers around the corner.
“Who was that?” I asked.
“A security guard.” He shrugged.
“What’d he say? Did he give you a ticket? Are you like, arrested now?”
“Naw, he just told me to hurry up.”
To celebrate our luck, we went inside the club and bought more drinks.