I’ll Show You Asian Manners

Alexandra Wallace, a UCLA undergrad, has received a lot of media fla(c)k in the past week for her allegedly racist remarks in this video.

As an Asian American, I am mortally offended, aghast at her ignorance of filial piety.  Doesn’t she know that is my duty to my mom, dad, brothers, sisters, grandmas, grandpas, cousins, and everybody I brought along from Asia with me to let them do my laundry, buy my groceries, and cook my food?  What kind of Asian daughter would I be if refused the four thousand years of family-dependent culture they foisted on me? (Answer: completely unbathed and subsisting entirely on Ramen noodles.)  I could learn to cook a few things and wash my own clothes, but that, as we all know, is a slippery one-way path.  Next thing you know, I’ll start making trips to the grocery store by myself and dating bad American boys.

Now, as a nice Asian girl, I’m not used to bossing strangers around in public, especially quiet, public places like the library.  My mom and dad and grandma told me not to talk to strangers, which is why, in my 25 years of existence and almost as many years of library inhabitance, I have only requested the silence of others twice.  (On both occasions, the offenders were Asian—exclusively Asian, come to think of it, but that’s neither here nor there.)  Both instances involved college-age Asian boys in adjacent carrels giggling and chattering in the signature ching-chong language that all Asians speak.  Being the non-confrontational, discreet Asian girl that I am, I kept my eyes on my math book and expelled a loud “SHHHH!!!!!” that echoed into the farthest corners of the library.  Everyone became very quiet because no one wanted to be blamed.  No one moved for a long time.  No one even looked at me.  And this is why my Asian manners are more effective and clearly superior to Miss Alexandra’s bad American manners.

On a tangential note, here is the funniest and best-executed response to Alexandra’s video I’ve seen so far.

About awesomebitch

Intolerant, elitist, and awesome.
This entry was posted in Other People's Shit That I Think Is Cool and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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