Ways in which Murphy’s Law has dominated the bedroom in the past week:
1. Within a day of laundering the sheets, I am guaranteed to get my period while sleeping.
2. Emerging from a long, cleansing shower will lead immediately to messy sex.
3. If I declare interest in sex verbally, the Boyfriend’s penis, Penis, will decide suddenly that he is not interested.
4. If at least one of us becomes sexually indisposed, Penis will become suddenly very interested.
5. In the event of vigorous sexual intercourse, my vagina, Vagina, will react to the friction by developing a lingering yeast infection.
6. In the event that I let my yeast infection linger without medication, Vagina will inevitably transmit it to Penis.
7. In the rare event that Penis and Vagina are yeast-free and psychosexually aligned, the Boyfriend’s anus, Anus, will make an olfactory announcement of his presence.
8. In the rare event that Penis and Vagina are yeast-free and psychosexually aligned and Anus has finished with his olfactory announcement, Penis, in anticipation of future anal outbursts, will retreat into the safety of his foreskin.
10. In the rare event that Penis overcomes all obstacles and succeeds in tunneling into Vagina, he will fall limp immediately in sheer disbelief.