May 22, 2011 Dream: 5 Mini-Dreams About Animals, Alaska, and Neighborly Sex

These are the five dreams I had two nights ago, in the order I had them.  Dreams 1 and 5 and narratively unrelated to dreams 2-4.

1. I adopt an unusually small, long-haired calico cat from an animal shelter.  It’s slightly past kitten age, but it’s only about eight inches long (excluding tail), and its torso is the circumference of a soda can.  Even though its hair is longer than I like and reminds me of this fat, dirty, long-haired cat named Brandon that belonged to a hallmate of mine in college, I decide to keep it.  I make a nest out of the drawer in my bedside table and teach the cat to use the litter box under the bed.  Like all cats, it doesn’t need to be taught twice.  The Boyfriend will have nothing to do with taking care of it, so I’m stuck cleaning the litter box every day.

2. My mother and I are flying from China to some other country on a Chinese plane filled with Chinese passengers.  The plane malfunctions shortly after take-off and would have righted itself if everyone had obeyed the fasten seat belt sign, but since this is a Chinese crowd, no one follows instructions, and everyone stands up–and falls down–at once, throwing the plane completely off course.  We make a bumpy landing in a field, and the captain decides that it’s a good idea to drive the plane to our destination.  We pull onto the highway with the cars and trucks and drive for hours.  We stick out like a plane in car traffic.

Eventually, we get lost in some Arctic environment that looks a lot like Alaska, the plane breaks down, and we get stuck in the snow.  We have no satellite reception, so we sit and wait for help.  Days pass, and we’re running out of food.  No one knows what to do, and because everyone is Chinese, nobody does anything.  Exasperated, I finally venture out of the plane and into the snow to forage for food.  My mother comes with me.  We are on a highway that runs along the side of a mountain, so we walk up the highway in the direction we’re supposed to go.  Since it’s spring, some of the snow is melting, and the weather isn’t as cold as it could be.

We hike on the highway until we see some climbing rope strung tight across the rocky mountainside.  We pull on the ropes and discover that they’re attached to backpacks full of food, mostly crackers and chocolates.  They’re rigged to some sort of pulley, so we have to pull pretty hard to bring the food down to our level.  My mother and I keep walking and find more ropes with food-filled backpacks.  We recruit people from the plane to help us.  We are temporarily saved.

3. It’s summertime, and we’ve abandoned the plane.  Our group has been walking towards our destination for months, and we’re not exactly sure where we are.  All the snow has melted, and the trees and grass are green.  As we’re walking across a field, we see a herd of giant moose.  The herd consists of half a dozen females, half a dozen calves, and one gigantic alpha male.  All the grownup moose are about 20 feet tall, but we’re not scared because we know they’re herbivores.

Suddenly, a giant grizzly bear barges onto the field and starts picking a fight with the bull moose.  It’s also about 20 feet ball and the same color as the moose.  The alpha male and the bear square off and go at each other.  Claws and antlers clash while we run around frantically looking for shelter.  It’s all terrifyingly epic.  The cows cluster around their young and start getting defensive.  They growl and stamp, and as the calves start panicking, their mothers get hostile towards us.  Now we are very scared.

Just before the cows stampede and kill us all, I spot a white door with a modern-looking doorknob in the rocky mountainside and push it open.  There’s a tiny room–a closet, really–containing a washing machine and dryer on the other side.  A few of us crowd in.  I hang onto the washing machine for balance, and right when I start worrying that the room can’t hold all of us, one section of the floor drops deep into the ground, and everyone else in the room falls, screaming, out of sight.  I cling to the washing machine, and that’s the last thing I do in this dream.

4. We are finally and safely out of the wilderness.  I’m hanging out at my friend D’s place, a ritzy apartment complex built into a rocky, alpine mountainside.  D comes in and tells me that he hooked up with a female neighbor a few days ago and plans to do so again in a few minutes.  I’m surprised because I’m not aware that he associates with any of his neighbors.  When I ask him about the details, he says, “Well, basically she invited me to hang out in her apartment, and when I got there, she stepped out of the shower naked and proceeded to have sex with me.”

To prove the veracity of his story, we pay a visit to his neighbor together.  She lives near the top of the mountain, and her apartment is bigger and has a complete view of the city.  She seems to be in the process of moving out, as the apartment is mostly empty.  When we arrive, she is showering.  After a few minutes, she emerges wet and naked from the shower, ready for sex, sees me, and modestly wraps a towel over herself.  She is in her mid-30s, slightly sunburned, with a robust, chubby physique.  D tells me that she is reluctant to hook up with him in front of me, so I step outside onto her porch and wait for them to finish doing their thing.

5. The Boyfriend leaves some super poop in the toilet again.  Only this time, there are actual turds (versus smeared fecal residue) floating at the surface of the water and resting at the bottom of the toilet.  Also, there are flowers floating among the turds.  They’re blue wildflowers with stems attached.  I’m photographing his handiwork, per usual, when I come to the jarring realization (with a tinge of jealousy) that my Boyfriend has just pooped flowers.

About awesomebitch

Intolerant, elitist, and awesome.
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