May 29, 2011 PostSecret Favorite: Cucumber up the Ass

PostSecret is a weekly blog featuring homemade postcards portraying people’s secrets.  The postcards are mailed anonymously, and the secrets range from cute and funny to pathetic and heartbreaking.  I stumbled across PostSecret in 2005 and became hopelessly addicted.  To commemorate my six-year anniversary of PostSecret addiction and because some secrets are too awesome, crazy, or stupid to be forgotten, I am going to pick my favorite secret from the blog each Sunday and share my thoughts on it.

This week’s favorite: Cucumber up the Ass

Perhaps she shouldn’t, as she might not win the battle with this one.  Dudes have prostates; girls don’t.  Then again, if he does end up being addicted to cucumber, he might be distracted enough by his own asshole to leave hers alone.

I’ve actually threatened, on a pretty frequent basis, to do the same to my Boyfriend for the past year–you know, casually slip one in while I’m going down on him, but the only thing that’s keeping me from doing it is the fear that he’ll end up liking it way too much.  Sure, he might not be crazy about it the first time, but once that door is opened, he’ll start peeking through the ever-widening crack, and eventually he will be unstoppable.  He’ll demand ass play at all hours of the day and night, and inevitably I’ll get sick of it and start turning him down.  That’s when the butt plug and vibrator will show up in our bedside drawer and terms such as “anal watersports” and “gerbilling” will show up in his search history–but I will put up with it all because I love him and he is my Boyfriend.  But eventually, because he is insatiable, this will still not be enough.  I’ll come home one day and find him handcuffed to the bed, ass up, surrounded by a team of midget policemen armed with dildos, he’ll tell me that it’s not what it looks like, I’ll throw the midgets out anyway, and that will pretty much be the end of us.

And that’s why I’d just rather take the occasional cucumber up my ass.

About awesomebitch

Intolerant, elitist, and awesome.
This entry was posted in Other People's Shit That I Think Is Cool, PostSecret and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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